I used to be able to string words together beautifully and endlessly. Like an infinite beaded necklace. Always conjuring new patterns yet harmonizing smoothly with the ones before. My beading now lies in hibernation. As the carrying body of this practice has accumulated a sickness unknown to even studied individuals in the field of anatomy. I got a camera shoved down my nose to erase the mystery wrapping of this packaged sickness. And revealed was a sinus infection so bad that it is deviating my septum. All of this is causing me to not be able to breathe through my nose and in turn not get enough oxygen to my brain. So for the past three months this infection has reigned, I have not had the mental capacity to be fully aware of anything that is going on. Comprehension isn’t as easy as breathing when oxygen doesn’t get to your brain. It is a laborious task akin to chopping wood on a hot summer day. The only difference being the more you chop wood the easier it becomes. The more thinking I do, the harder it becomes. with each day starting over at a clean slate. I’ve never had to focus on my health before. I’ve always ran around my life turning my “what ifs” into reality. But with this dull mind running on steam rather than clean energy, I can’t seem to have the energy to turn those “what ifs” into reality anymore. And I’m starting to realize it’s ok to just live. It’s ok to just be who you are in the moment you are. There’s no need to prepare for a future in a dilapidated state. Sit still in a crumble. And wait until the present gets hot enough to melt you back together again. It’s ok. It’s ok. Get better.